I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
