if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
