I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have fence marks all over my body
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
