You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know her cup size but not her name....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
