Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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