I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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