Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
