awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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