Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
