I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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