My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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