Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
