got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
