He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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