everyone is single if you try hard enough
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
