apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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