I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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