did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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