just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
