saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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