I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
