I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
