I CAN MOONWALK!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
