Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
