just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
and she was petting her beer can
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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