just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
