I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
