I could make wine with my vomit
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
