so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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