can u get pink eye on your cock?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
