Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm passing your future prison.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
