I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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