i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
