my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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