I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
