there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
