please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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