you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
