Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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