remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
