so that wasnt chicken after all
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
