our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Drunk is not a location!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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