My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
