cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
