Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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