Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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