who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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