i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
