I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
