Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
