I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The power of my boobs compel you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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