I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
