i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
