sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
