She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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