We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
