Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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