I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
