Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize