I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
