Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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