p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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