Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
