You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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