drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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