it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
