I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
