I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
