we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
In other news, I just burned my penis
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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