Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
