I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
