he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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