Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
